Kirjahaku

A trip up the fantasy mountain where anything can happen! This book takes you there and back and leaves you feeling like you really see every moment like the uncharted territory that it truly is.

It's always darkest before it's completely black. The sun may always come up but it's on a never ending spiral into the infinite. Death is just a concept. But it's the only thing that keeps me going. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Till that peaceful moment right before it's completely black.

This is a journal of my experience going through a traumatic event. I tracked every thought and recorded every detail of my feelings. It is like going down a rabbit hole of the human brain. It shows the reality of what this one human brain looks like in the most honest and vulnerable way possible. It is also an inspirational call to action. To change ourselves so we can all unite and be truly connected as we were intended to be.

So the fear is that others will think that there's something wrong with me. But the only person who I would really care- if they thought that- would be Jason. And even him. I believed I was perfectly sane when I wasn't. When my mom told me I was seriously mentally ill I laughed. When the state declared me seriously mentally ill and I got a certified letter after being in a mental hospital being observed, I still felt sane. But I definitely felt insane after that. I'm grateful for that suffering. It's as deep as it gets. And allows me to be grateful for every day. To judge not. Including myself. I do have to pee. And I want to smoke more pot. I may just. And then take a shower. I have that nagging anxiety about Kris. But I guess I will just feel that. Because nothing, no drugs or alcohol can cure that. Alcohol probably could. But it's not worth trying. I'm sure the valium will kick in soon. I'm listening to float notes.