Kirjahaku

Vol. 1: Nineteen action comedy, bizarro fiction short stories by Bridget Chase, with roller coaster fast plot lines, beautiful women, gun fights, destruction, laughs, and over the top- mashed up characters. The contents includes- The Loch Ness Monster Cures Aids- Jesus Opens a Taco Truck- The Devil's Donut- SEO Camp- Rudolph's YOLO Day- Muppet Chainsaw Massacre- Muppet Chainsaw Massacre 2- Jaguar Kicks- Hollywood Creature- Halloween Tremors- Grandma's Cookie vs. Planet Bad Dudes- Full House and the Devil's Thunderdome- Dracula and Frankenstein Pick Up Some Ladies at the Circus- David Hasselhoff Rubs Some Bacon On It- The Predator Gets a Date for Prom- Wax Museum in Space- Bully Pig- Alt-Right Titty Bazooka- and, Ninja Lunch. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll say, 'What the f&%$'

Our two Middle Aged High School Heroes, Gary and Wyatt, set out to Nebraska where the dark dimension of the Upside-Down has leaked into our world due to the hotness of Natalie Portman's lips, which have broken Science and merged the two worlds. Only our Horny Heroes can battle villains and save this land that we call America and call home.

SLIK-SLAK Double Feature That mean two stories, BLAM Passenger Screech: Dustin Diamond is tired of chicks rejecting him because of his past. He and his roommate, Wesley Snipes, decide to take a vacation. Dustin has a change of heart, deciding to embrace the Screech within. This leads Wesley to reconnect with his break out roll as John Cutter, better known as Passenger 57. Screech meets a hot woman on their flight named Natalie, played by the beautiful Alyssa Milano. Dustin tries to score and Wesley sees a building threat on the plane that he must neutralize.Saved by the Quantum Bell: Mr. Belding, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, enlists Dustin Diamond and Alyssa Milano to help save Bayside High. The worst shit in the universe is coming. Dustin has to revisit his role as Screech and Alyssa becomes Kelly. With Kevin the robot they journey through the 'Pearlescent Colon of the Universe' traversing many parallel universes, with the intent of stopping Pinhead from finishing his sinister plan. Filled with words and endless action shit, lets not spoil everything in this super awesome 4,400 word adventure. If you love Elizabeth Berkley, you've just discovered heave

Adult Content, Language, and Situations*SummaryIn this second installment, a New York Police Officer known as Igger, heads to Japan to find the Drug Lord behind the new chemical nightmare called 'The Nutty Professor'. In a land of foreign customs, Igger needs a little help from the unlikely partner Akihiko, a young Asian boy. Igger and this little Stir Fry, embark on some detective work in the heart of Tokyo. Unfortunately, the Drug Lord knows of Igger's arrival and everything goes sideways. Looks like Igger's gonna' need some extra bullets.

Well, like most stories; this one starts at the beginning. Jessica Biel is kidnapped. Van Damme's granny, Granny Damme, can't stand by while such a sweet girl is in the hands of a madman; and this madman happens to be Steven Seagal, who is the worst kind of madman. Justin Timberlake teams up with Granny Damme, and her cat Kurt Wussels to find Jessica and free her. Steven has other hostages, who he plans to kill while vacationing aboard a cruise ship. Oh, and he loves raptors. I can't tell you what happens; but yeah, that is like a mini spoiler or something.So read or don't; laugh or don't; be happy or don't.I got more shit to write; see ya

Welcome to the future. Aliens have landed on earth. Their evolution is unstable and rapid. An AI singularity, named Zeroday created by man, has become obsessed with George Clooney. The planet is now at war. The last few members of the military are on a quest to find the only remaining strand of Clooney DNA. The fate of the world rests on the owner of this Hollywood icon's biological code.

A little mix of I Know What You Did Last Summer, Mortal Kombat and King Kong. When a mysterious serial killer takes the lives of a few of Kong's friends, this ape follows the killer to a tropical island where the residents participate in a series of brutal death matches. Mourning the loss of the beautiful Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kong is determined to find justice. Unfortunately even his girlfriend Anne Hathaway finds herself mixed up in this mess. Will King Kong be the ultimate Kung Fu champion? Find out inside

An off-shore mining compound is under siege by... take a guess. Yep, robotic sharks Miller is an old fart; the compound explodes and he has to fine a way out. Cal is a scientist on his way to the compound in a underwater monorail. Obviously, shit goes bad. There are two female characters, Liz and Unknown Bikini Girl 1. Heather, plays Unknown Bikini Girl 1, and hopes that the role in the movie 'Robotic Sharks' will re-ignite her career. Liz is hot as f%$# and basically like everyone else in the story, fights for her life.

Igger Series Book 1*Adult content, language, situations, actions*His name is Igger, the baddest motha#$ &#$a' on the force. But tonight, he is an undercover brotha'.Summary: A new drug has hit the streets. 'The Nutty Professor' is a toxic chemical narcotic and is destroying the youth of New York. Igger is the police officer 'n' charge of finding the source. He sets out on a drug bust to climb the ladder of distribution. The only thing sweeter than stoppin' this drug, is smashin' heads and poudin' a$$ along the way. This is Igger's city, 'n' it's his duty to clean up.

A secret government research facility is destroyed. A genetic soldier will be tested. America is awoken from her cryonic sleep. A lunatic has amassed a mutant army to take control of Miami. CIA assassin Firefox enlists the only operative capable of helping her taking apart this villainous gang.Now enter all the action, combat, and sex appeal you can handle. One thing the military knows how to do, is dress their females in barely-there uniforms. Join the in the nonstop violence.

Camelot is under siege by a dark force. King Arthur, to save his majestic kingdom, travels through and inter dimensional wormhole to obtain victory over this evil foe. Our heroic King gets lost and winds up reemerging as a set of hairy balls between a high school girl's legs in present day. The girl, Heather, is now caught in this adventure, and that dark force comes after her, too. Even worse, how is she suppose to explain the hairy balls with Arthur's face to the hunky new boy that she met? The two unlikely partners must work together to save Camelot, vanquish evil, and get Heather back to her usual girl fix'ins. A ridiculously silly, over the top time travel story that bends history into an origami swan and then throws it in the toilet.

Here we go buckle that seat belt and put the bucket of fried chicken between yer knees; we got Nicholas Cage who can see two minutes into the future. He is approached by a FBI Agent- Agent Ferris. A nuke has been stolen and a rogue terrorist organization more evil than IKEA furniture in winter plans to detonate that nuke in the US. Agent Ferris needs to convince 'ol Nick Cage to help out. He will, but that sly celeb has one demand- he wants Jessica Biel And, that is where this fiction car slams into, SUPER SHORTS Say it again, SUPER SHORTS

This is my last story; love it, or hate it- jk, but felt like dying while writing it.Will is almost dead. He's been walking through the frozen woods for days. An apparition, Jennifer Love Hewitt, begs him to continue to follow. A second visitor, a bear with Tom Hanks Face, shows him a paradise of possibilities. Will has to choose and one of them is certain death.

Grab dat Root Beer Float and take a seat, we got this band of warriors who are fighting off the Undead. Following a terrible battle, and the entire team nearly killed, Maggie and Michonne are left all alone. That was until a new stranger entered the scene, by the name of Casey Jones. Some walks are easy; others super violent, but that's how it goes when you are- The Walking Meh.

Jennifer Garner's daughter and husband were murdered, bad; like, in cold blood, bad- the coldest of blood, bad- if the blood were chilled in a freezer at Dairy Queen and then poured over ice, and served in Antarctica, bad. The distraught mother wants revenge, because nothing honors dead family better than merciless 'n bloody murder. She enlists the help of Dick Tracy and begins hunting for the gang responsible. One of the gang member's tattoo, leads our heroes to seek out a time machine and sets a path for ancient Egypt. Success rests on finding one man; but in searching him out, it brings new enemies who aren't human; in fact, they were created to TERMINATE all humans Bridget Chase wrote this story in 1957 after having attended a Master Class cooking class in Florida. While learning to make the 'oh so perfect' donut dough, Bridget unknowingly release Kintar Rimu an ancient Egyptian God. Kintar Rimu's soul had been vanquished to a pot of flour. Flour, which somehow ended up at the grocery store and in the hands of Bridget. The two hit it off as best friends and spent many a nights at the Mystery Emporium night club in the VIP Egyptian God section. The two discussed many things yet all conversation seemed to come back to Jennifer Garners tits. It was at this time that Bridget suggested that they team up to write the story 'Peppermint Pyramids'. Kintar and Bridget needed to do some research on Jennifer Garners tits; so, the two flew to LA. In a twist of fate while fondling those Hollywood tits a man by the name of Fred Nude stormed Ms. Garner's mansion and banished Kintar's essence into an old Virgin Olive Oil bottle. Bridget went on to write Peppermint Pyramids alone, but holds fondly the time the two had spent together at the Miami strip club.

*Adult language, actions, and content- short story*-variant cover-Summary: After Stephanie is taken by a cult member of The Primordial Haven, the Full House Family comes to her rescue. The Devil may have some bent demons, but fucking family is more bad ass than Russel Crow in Gladiator. Yeah Bitches Here comes the Tanner Family