Kirjahaku

VEGAN ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE: In the post-apocalypse worlderness, zombies rule the earth. They're allergic to meat, and brains literally make them explode.Zombies now eat blood potatoes, parasitic tubers grown in the flesh of humancows corralled in maximum security farms.The necros, barbaric human nomads travelling the worlderness in floating villages, worship the zombies. The necros both eat the zombies, and wear clothes made from them; they live in houses built of bricks of undead flesh.They also keep zombies as sex slaves.Two fugitives meet in the ancient ruins of Texas. The first is Soil 15-f, a womancow who's escaped her farm a week before she's due to be killed and her blood potato crop harvested. The second fugitive is Able Kane, former head necros food technician, now sentenced to death for heresy.But Soil is no ordinary humancow. Unknown to herself, she's the vegan zombie agricultural revolution, and the zombies desperately want her back.And the necros equally desperately want Able Kane dead. He's fled with a forbidden discovery which will reshape the world for the worse if used.And Able is just hardheaded/misguided enough to use it.With android zombinators and the head necros assassin (Able's ex-girlfriend Morphia) after them, Soil and Able Kane have no choice but to climb the lemon tree to Haeven, residence of the zombie god Necro. And by anyone's reckoning, Soil and Able Kane are the two people in the worlderness who should never have been let into Heaven.Back cover description: Fear not mankind, the omniscient God Necro proclaims that your tasty brains will be safe from the ravenous undead during the impending zombie apocalypse. Unfortunately for most of you, however, the enlightened zombie hoard plans to herd you like cattle on their potato plantations and use your fertile bodies to grow their specialized blood veggies.Only by prostrating yourself before the Great Necro can you join forces with other faithful necros and defend humanity from the ever encroaching zombie invasion. But it won't be easy, especially if you've just escaped from the vegfarm - and you already have the cattle brand on your forehead and the telltale potato vines sprouting from your body. Bounty-hunting zombinators, flying cleaver-laden helicopters and cockrockets, will soon be hot on your trail as you race toward the Promised Land and the sanctuary that is known as the Republic of Texas.Not only is "Vegan Zombie Apocalypse" one of the most bizarre stories ever conceived, but its universal appeal should extend far beyond its bizarro fan base. Enthusiasts of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror, and especially zombie fiction lovers, should relish this book, even though it ventures into the dark realm of the extraordinarily grotesque at times... many times actually.

Rachel Risk is a professional thief with super-strong hair that can stretch like tentacles to manipulate objects.Ashley Status has both a digitally augmented brain, and 'muscle-purses' in her arms and legs in which she stores inflatable objects-cars, guns, rocket launchers, etc .When Raye is framed as the fall girl in a jewel robbery, the pair flee Chicago's vengeful robot gangsters and take refuge in the Hotel Bizarre, where the gorgeous 'vagina singer, ' Femina, is performing for a week.But the Hotel Bizarre is even stranger than its name suggests, and very soon Raye and Ash are involved in an deadly adventure, a struggle for survival the likes of which they'd never imagined possible-with loads of deviant sex, drugs, music, and violence at every turn.And just what is the old woman in the skin desert really doing with all those cats glued to her walls?Vagina Mundi-a Bizarro Hymn in praise of WOMAN

"This primer is the very essence of any and all styles and types of Bizarro writing. Wol-vriey collects, distills, and bottles up these 37 tiny stories for your sensory enjoyment. This is an absolute must-read for anyone new to the genre, because it demonstrates the scope of what Bizarro is, and what it can be."--Teresa Pollack, Bizarro commentator and bloggerWelcome to the strange place: A collection of 37 flash fiction stories designed to introduce one to the Bizarro/New Weird Genre. Weird, dreamy, nightmarish, absurd, sad, surreal, humorous . . . this collection of tales is all this and more.Welcome once again to the strange place, everyone . . . the very strange place. Stories include: The OriginalPenisthumbLove + Lust in BrazilTeething TroublesJackie Chan AngelEars are for HearingEvil Beef FactoryAngie Stone's RevivalLesbian in my PocketVoidCan't See For The RainIdentiaThe Morning AfterAhmed Apple Attacks America The Grass A Day at the RacistsBehind Every Successful WomanOkay Okay For Ze Love of Rosa (A Legend of Bizarro Mexico)Ring RingShrink MeGood MedicineLiquid HusbandThe East Side of the House In Reverso Entertaining SpiderNumber One Se or Ogre (A Legend of Bizarro Mexico)Die, You Fluffy Sonofabitch Soft Silky SkinVeniceGod's Refrigerator2012: The Alien EggRetro Race Relations RumbleThe Lionesses and The HyenaThe Secret Life of DrawersThe Devil in Utopia

Reality has henceforth been abolished - The Fixer.In Springfield, Massachusetts, Melanie Catchpole is hired to fetch back a magic teddy bear worth millions of dollars from a warehouse across town.Problem is, the warehouse is down in Springfield's O-Zone-that totally weird sector of the city where Bizarro fell to Earth. The 'O' is a fairytale land, a place where dreams and nightmares literally live and breathe.Worse still, the gingers-mutant cannibals-prowl the O. The gingers have already eaten everyone else Melanie's employers sent to get back the magic teddy bear.Accompanied by the handsome but ruthless Doug Fisher (who she finds sexy but doesn't dare entrust her heart to), Melanie enters the O-Zone.Melanie and Doug are instantly caught up in an adventure they'd never have believed credible even if written as fiction . . . and Melanie's used to experiencing the very weird as the norm.And now, additionally, there's a mystery to unravel: What does the dark, freezing-cold being called The Fixer want with Mary, the barkeep's daughter?

Boston Corpse: A Bud Malone Thriller MAGIC CAN BE MURDER Drag queen Lucy Tang is back in Boston, and is hell-bent on settling her vendetta against casino owner Sookie Ling. And suddenly, Bud Malone, PI, has the case of his life to resolve. When Boston's robot police force are baffled by a mind transfer case, they come to Malone for help. The one person who can likely help Malone out here is the witch Soledad Bathory. But Soledad seems to know a lot more than she's telling him. It's a case not made easier when Malone meets Soledad's beautiful cousin, Josephine 'Slave' Bailey. Slave has her own plans for Malone, most of which involve teaching him BDSM and making him her new Master. Oh, and Rick Rogers owes Sookie Ling a whole lot of money, a gambling debt that's going to be literally Hell to pay Boston Corpse--Not your average detective novel PUBLISHER'S DISCLAIMER/STORM WARNING: This isn't well-behaved young adult fiction. It is not intended for children, either. This is a graphically violent, EXTREMELY sexually graphic/depraved, quite sick book (in places) . . . seriously, not for the innocent. SERIOUSLY. Er . . . you've been warned.This is Book #2 in the Bud Malone Series. Book #1 is Boston Posh.

Communism = the political doctrine outlawing 'coming' (i.e. the female orgasm). Courtney Taylor is young, intelligent, beautiful, and successful. She also has a boyfriend who loves her deeply. The problem is, no matter what Courtney does, she can't climax during sex.When Florence Rigid's communist forces destroy the city of Metaphor, Courtney and her friends Teresa, Highball, Miki, and Heather are cast into the midst of a quest to find the only person able to save the land of Innuendo-Dr. Carol Orgasm, wanted by the communists for developing the O-Pill, a wonder drug that grants women sexual ecstasy on demand.The communists will do anything to get their hands on the O-Pill and prevent its reaching the millions of Innuendo's women.But Courtney desperately wants that pill too. And so it's now a race between Courtney and the communists to find Dr. Orgasm first.And Courtney has no choice but to win this race.She must win it: For her own orgasm . . . and for the freedom of female sexuality everywhere.

From the creator of Boston Posh and Boston Corpse comes Boston Lust, the third installment in the BUD MALONE bizarro detective series "Bless it, Father, for she has sinned."Seven murdered gay women, all their bodies completely drained of blood. All also with large parts of their bodies dissolved away like acid has been pumped into their veins.Bud Malone has to find the female vampire preying on Boston's lesbian population. Then Malone meets the beautiful Trudi Carmen and the case gets even more tangled. Trudi needs Malone's help in recovering a ring that's gone missing. But how in the world is one little black ring related to either the dead women or their killer?Resolving this case will lead Malone deep into Lucy Tang's legacy-The Abstracta. And then to the city of Genesis.Boston Lust-Just when you thought Bean Town was safe to visit again.

PUSSY TRANSMISSIONPussy Transmission were the most decadent Pop Art ensemble of the 90's. Led by the beautiful painter Isis Lynch, the trio revolutionized the art world. Then suddenly, without explanation, Pussy Transmission vanished into historical obscurity. Now, twenty years later, three women come to Lynch Place. Lily and Nina are journalists desperate to interview Isis Lynch. Raven, on the other hand, wants to find her boyfriend, who's gone missing inside Isis's house. Raven's worried-she's heard that Pussy Transmission broke up because Isis began dabbling in black magic . . . with devastating results. All three women will shortly wish they'd never left home. Particularly once the rats in Lynch Place start warning them that they're going to die . . . and Raven meets Betty Butcher, the bouncy supernatural psycho who's intent on chopping her into bits.Pussy Transmission, Baby Just because . . .

Six people find themselves trapped in Detention, a nightmare realm where the demonic Schoolmaster is hell-bent on reforming them . . . until they die.Porn superstar Venus Deluxe came to Springfield, MA to party, and next found her life hanging by a thread. One wrong answer will mean her death.Suspended BPD detective Tanya Rockford was trying to stop one kind of violence, but found a terrifying another. With her and her companion's lives hanging in the balance, it's going to take all of her courage and resourcefulness to escape this hell she's stumbled into.Porn stud Chad Cannon has made a career from his ten-inch penis. Here in Detention, however, it's his brains that matter. He'll soon be hoping all the pot he's smoked over the years hasn't completely messed up his memory.The three students, Sherri, Jordan, and Mike? They were all just in the wrong place at the right time. Will anyone survive Detention? The evil Schoolmaster doesn't plan on letting that happen . . .

Welcome To The Road Trip From HellPagan is demon-possessed.Lori is suicidal.Britt is just terminally pissed off.Meet three young Boston women on the run from the law, each with problems that will fuse into more than the sum of their individual parts, becoming a holocaust of sex and violence and terror, a literal rain of blood and horror and gore and evil.And if that wasn't already bad enough, Pagan's pet demon is slowly transforming her into something both unspeakable and unholy.Truly, these girls aren't smiling.

Consummate EVIL is coming. It is relentless and unavoidable. It is Blue.Jessica Schreiber is seeing things. Very horrible things. Since arriving in Raynham for what should have been a relaxing vacation, she's been seeing the Big Blue.Jessica is smelling things too-dead and rotting things that she can't see. She is sure those dead and rotting things are dead people. Lots of dead people.Jessica's worst nightmares will soon become her reality. Her reality will soon become a terrifying nightmare.The tentacled residents of the House of Death have a lot that they wish to show Jessica Schreiber. They have a lot that they wish to tell her. But will she survive long enough to learn their lessons?

Even the best laid women can go wrong.Daria Simpson is HUNGRY. She's HUNGRY for sex and bloodshed and death. Shelly Parker just wanted to have a threesome with her boyfriend Craig and her best friend Erica. Everything was shaping up nicely for their weekend of sexual fun and games, until they stopped at the creepy Crossway Diner and met Daria. From the moment they met Daria, EVERYTHING went wrong for them; and it went wrong in the most horrific and terrifying of ways Daria: Paranormal service has been resumed.

Evil everyday awaits, And it tampers with our fate. Greg is about learning the hard way that you don't mess with Aunt Grace. Evil comes in different guises, It has many forms and sizes. Nine completely fleshless skeletons recovered in the Massachusetts woods. Two detectives on the trail of a horrible, hungry monster. Evil loves the troubled soul, Anguish and misery are its goal. Broken-hearted Allie Jackson has a date with a creature from Hell. Evil plays its little games, Making humans shriek in pain. Things are about to get well out of hand for everyone, and in horrifying, terrifying ways they don't expect.

SHE RETURNED FROM HER CELL TO GIVE THEM HELL When a rotting corpse suddenly appears and starts butchering Raynham's youths, there's really only one question that needs answering: Is this faceless and rotting monster Peter Howard, or isn't it?Problem is, Peter Howard died 15 years ago. So how can he possibly be back from the dead and murdering people with such relentless and sadistic brutality?Peter's mother Malicia, who's just been released from the lunatic asylum, may have the answers to the crazy puzzle, but the two detectives investigating the deaths don't even know the right questions to ask her yet. Mr. Ugly: It really doesn't matter if you lock your doors; you simply aren't safe anymore.

Jane Winters is 28 years old.She works as a checkout cashier in a department store. She's an attractive woman with a winning personality. She has both a photographic memory and an I.Q. of 189. She's met the man of her dreams. But she's also a cannibal with a unique and very scary mode of operation.The group known as TULIP (The Urban Legend Investigation People) are out to either prove or disprove the legend of Insane Jane.But have TULIP bitten off more than they can chew?

The Evil began the week before Sylvia Stewart's 30th birthday.Cathy Higgins died.The Bargainer resurrected Cathy . . . for a price. The price? Cathy's father Ronan had to plant some seeds for him. But these were no ordinary seeds the Bargainer gave to Ronan Higgins. These were seeds from Hell: seeds which required human flesh as both soil and fertilizer.And meanwhile, the unsuspecting Sylvia Stewart went ahead with the plans for her birthday party, which was to be held on Ronan Higgins' sunflower farm . . .

Ohio's State Route 666 stretches 14.7 miles between Zanesville and Dresden.Most days it's just a normal road with a funny name. But for six minutes on the 6th of June each year, Route 666 becomes a gateway to somewhere else . . . a gateway to Hell. Each year thirteen unfortunates get trapped in the 666 underworld, with no way to get back.This year though, things are going to be a whole lot different. For one thing, there's a lot of human passion at play in the underworld. And also . . . the psycho Al Gore is just about completing his collection of human heads.And . . . what the hell is a church doing in Hell, of all places?

"The riddle is the rhyme; the rhyme is the riddle."It began as a joke, a gag to pass the time that turned deadly.One rainy August night in Raynham, MA, nine friends jokingly invoke the evil phantom butcher called the Cleaverman. These nine friends get a whole lot more than they ever bargained for. Because there's only one way to return the deadly Cleaverman back to the darkness he came from, and that is to solve his riddle, which starts: "Tell me the name of John Cleaverman's wife . . ."And human beings being what we are, even with the Cleaverman out to butcher them all, our nine friends still manage to stir A WHOLE LOT of human misbehavior into the deadly mix. At the rate they're going, it'll be a wonder if anyone survives THE CLEAVERMAN at all.