Alistair Beaton

'Truly brilliant' - Matthew Parris, Times columnist‘Weepingly funny and painfully accurate’ - Rachel Johnson‘Lethally witty’ - Tim Walker, New European?If any event in recent British history has spawned more bollocks than Brexit, it is hard to remember when. Now, in a successor volume to the perennial bestsellers The Little Book of Complete Bollocks and The Little Book of Management Bollocks, comes the definitive and hilarious insight into what politicians really mean when they talk about Brexit. We know all the phrases - 'Orderly Departure', 'Crashing Out', 'Remoaners' and many more - but in The Little Book of Brexit Bollocks all is finally made crystal clear by authors Alistair Beaton and Tom Mitchelson. They reveal which notorious politician devised the term 'Ever Closer Union', and what he was actually talking about; one daily newspaper branded three High Court judges 'Enemies of the People', but this book reveals who the true enemies are. So whether you believe Nigel Farage is a national hero or a national embarrassment, this book will finally bring some cheer and relief from the agony of Brexit as we head into the Transition Period (which in the end may outlast us all).

"...gentle rhythm well suited to getting kids to wind down for the night." -Kirkus Reviews The second book in the series of Moser's rhyming opposites. The cats are waiting for their tea. The mouse says, "Please don't look at me " What do a polar bear and a hare, a rooster and a panda, and a badger and an elephant have in common? Erwin Moser shows readers just that in eleven spreads featuring his playful rhymes and humorous illustrations. Also in the series: What Bear Likes Best What Hedgehog Likes Best

The first in the series of three adorable vintage books of rhymes from Erwin Moser featuring a comical crew of animals. The eagle's sitting on her nest. A walk is what the bear loves best. What do a sheepdog and fox, a stork and a leopard, and an octopus and an ostrich have in common? The solution is simple: Erwin Moser depicts them all with ingenious rhymes and portrays them in typical and unusual situations in eleven playful spreads. Above all, the great warmth and clever wit of Erwin Moser is spoken via his illustrations. Through juxtapositions of two animals on each spread, he tells a whole story. Like no other, Erwin Moser mastered line art drawing. His style with the fine contours and bright colors and the sophisticated rhymes make these stories a great pleasure even for the youngest. Also in the series: What Cat Likes Best What Hedgehog Likes Best

The third book in the series of Moser's rhyming opposites. The hedgehog's cozy as can be. Now count the ravens: one, two, three. What do an owl and a trout, a giraffe and a monkey, and a pelican and a koala bear have in common? In eleven spreads, Erwin Moser's delightful rhymes and illustrations lets readers in on the fun. Also in the series: What Cat Likes Best What Bear Likes Best

How would you feel about sitting in front of that nice old village pub on a sunny afternoon while convoys of 40-ton tankers roll past six feet away?Deerland Energy's plans to drill for shale gas in the pretty village of Fenstock are going well. The company is looking at big profits.They can count on the support of distinguished scientists working in university departments funded by the energy companies while at local level, Councillor Pilbeam, Chair of the Planning Committee, seems to be open to lucrative offers.The only slight snag is a ragged band of protesters, reluctantly led by retired academic Elizabeth Blackwood. Surely she's just another 'mad old biddy', as she's characterised by ruthless PR guru Joe Selby.This new razor-sharp black comedy by Alistair Beaton takes a timely look at the conflicted core of planetary energy and earthly power. Fracked! received its world premiere at the Chichester's Minerva Theatre on 8 July 2016.

To paraphrase Alistair Beaton's Caledonia - the first play in this collection - 'The English have anthologies, the Spanish have anthologies, the French have anthologies . . . why should not Scotland have its anthology?'Scotland is entering a crucial period in its history, where its identity is being debated daily, from everyday conversation to the national and international press. At the same time, its theatre is resurgent, with key Scottish playwrights, theatres and theatre companies expanding their performance vocabularies while coming to prominence in national and international contexts.Caledonia is a tale of hubris and delusion, portraying a crucial slice of Scotland's history and its foray into imperial colonialism told with dark humour and creative flair, by award-winning playwright and satirist Alistair Beaton.Bullet Catch, by Rob Drummond, is a unique theatrical experience exploring the world of magic, featuring mind-reading, levitation, and the most notorious finale in show business.Morna Pearson's The Artist Man and the Mother Woman is a wickedly funny, deceptively simple, surreal portrait of a spectacularly dysfunctional relationship.Rantin', by Kieran Hurley draws on storytelling, live music and an unapologetically haphazard take on Scottish folk tradition, in an attempt to stitch together fragmented stories to reveal a botched patchwork of a nation.First performed at the Royal Court in 2013, Narrative by Anthony Neilson is a theatrical exploration of the the boundaries and possibilities of storytelling.Featuring plays from Alistair Beaton, Rob Drummond, Morna Pearson, Kieran Hurley and Anthony Neilson, this collection is edited by Dr. Trish Reid, a leading critical voice on Scottish theatre.

Caledonia is a story of greed, euphoria and mass delusion. It is the story of a small, poor country mistaking itself for a place that is both big and rich. It is an ancient story for modern times. William Paterson was a financial adventurer who in 1698 devised one of the most daring and disastrous speculations of all time. His plan: to found a Scottish colony in Darien on the isthmus of Panama in Central America and turn Scotland, one of the poorest nations in Europe, into a prosperous colonial power. He invited the public to invest. And they did - in a big way. Within weeks a vast proportion of the nation's wealth had been subscribed. What went wrong? Distance, disease, corruption and culpability all played a part in this ruinous episode. Within a few years, the Scots - demoralised and impoverished - gave up their nation's independent status and signed the 1707 Treaty of Union with England. Inspired by documents, journals, letters, songs and poems of the period, celebrated playwright and satirist Alistair Beaton has created a work that is both a tribute to heroic ambition and a darkly witty take on the deceptions and self-deceptions of rich and poor alike. Caledonia will headline the Edinburgh International Festival, in a co-production with the National Theatre of Scotland and directed by Anthony Neilson, opening on 13 August 2010.

Fires are becoming something of a problem. But Biedermann has it all under control. He's a respected member of the community with a loving wife and a flourishing business, so surely nothing can get to him. The great philanthropist is happy to meet his civic duty by giving shelter to two new guests but when they start filling his attic with petrol drums, will he help them light the fuse? Max Frisch's parable about appeasement is given its first major UK revival since its Royal Court premiere in 1961, which was directed by Lindsay Anderson. The play is published as a programme text for the production that runs from 1 November - 15 December on the main stage at the Royal Court.

A handsome young heir to the throne falls for a very unsuitable girl - and finds himself at war with a panicked prime minister. Suddenly, it's not just the future of the Royal Family that's at stake, but the very identity of Britain itself. Directed by Max Stafford-Clark and produced by Out of Joint, "King of Hearts" tours the UK including a season at Hampstead Theatre, London. It follows on from Beaton's "New Labour" satire, "Feelgood", a "West End" hit with Henry Goodman as a manic Alastair Campbell figure, and from his docudrama on the David Blunkett affair, "A Very Social Secretary".

An outrageously funny satire on modern politics, New Labour and the fine art of spin Alistair Beaton's hilarious play, part farce, part biting satire, is set in the plush seaside hotel of a party conference. As anti-capitalist riots rage in the streets below, sinister and obsessive press secretary Eddie and young speech-writing aide Paul are trying to finalise the PM's conference speech. But Eddie's manipulative skills are to be tested far more by the scandal that George, dim-witted lord and close friend of the PM, gradually reveals - not helped by the arrival of Eddie's ex-wife and investigative journalist, Liz."Left me sobbing with laughter" (The Times)"Alistair Beaton rediscovers and restores the lost art of political satire in this hilariously timely portrait of new Labour fibbing and deceiving" (Benedict Nightingale, The Times)"Political satire was joyfully restored to the stage last night ...A satirical treat to savour" (Nicholas de Jongh, Evening Standard)

This book is dedicated to helping you in your pursuit of excellence, profitability and becoming a less pleasant person.

This is a much needed parody of all those kitschy little books like THE LITTLE BOOK OF CALM that promise that peace of mind, success, happiness, terrific orgasms, good health and longevity are all available in an icklewickle package costing not more than a few quid.