Craig Conley

The surreal puzzle that stumped the greatest minds of a generation. A virtual reality game you can hold onto. 162 "squares" of a game board.24 different ways to die.396 decisive turning points.715,794 discrete narratives.A single winning strategy.At each step, you're given a situation (or logic puzzle, riddle, mathematical conundrum, or word enigma) and the challenge to find an answer or otherwise make a choice. For example, at Square One of the virtual game board, your decision takes you to one of five other squares. The choices and possible outcomes build upon one another. The story line will be as surreal as you make it, with hundreds of thousands of ways to wander into a losing scenario but only a single winning strategy."I'll never finish this book, I think. It is a succulent to carry through life. It is so playful and smart and rhizomatic. I love the virtual game structure: just enough structure to give it a "plot" but not enough structure to turn your cactus into a tree. This Book is a Cactus is really inspired and excellent." --Lawrence Hass, PH.D."What an intriguing, fun, lovely book with Oddfellow's usual quirky, oblique poetic, metaphysic dry humour and bibliophillic joie de livre. " --Gary Barwin, author of Yiddish for Pirates

The complete instructions for properly caring for a sheet ghost, including how to brew homemade starch (ectoplasm), how to iron a sheet ghost, and how to dispose of a used sheet ghost.

The tools to packThe mindsets to finetuneA startling insight into Nessie's origin

This lexicon is popularly attributed to Craig Conley (author of HarperCollins' One-Letter Words: A Dictionary, Weiser Books' Magic Words: A Dictionary, and Webster's Dictionary of Improbabe Words, to name but three of hundreds). Conley himself neither disclaimed the work nor officially confirmed it as his own. It was discovered with no byline and possibly unfinished (though who can say? No lexicon is ever complete, given how language grows). Because this work features only literary examples of usage, Conley's idiosyncratic voice betrays itself, if at all, solely through the precise curation of terms. Note that certain entries feature asterisks, the significance of which is still being studied, with no contemporary theories having proved conclusive. They have been retained in this edition, exactly as they appeared in the original typescript.

Innovations that simplify numerology, astrology, remote viewing, determining auspicious dates, and dozens of other mystical topics. "Gems Gathered from the Mysteries Hidden for Ages, Under the Guidance of the Unseen Hand. Illustrated & Made Plain with as Few Occult Phrases as Possible." Every pencil is mystical, for consider the interplays: light, warm wood encases dark, cool carbon, just as a root surrounds a stone; the tree grows as the mineral incubates; wood expands in its branched tracings while graphite diminishes in its tracks. To "pencil witch" is to perform practical magic with paper and a writing utensil. It's the sort of magic that allows you to check your answer. The techniques here are gathered from the Mysteries hidden for ages, many of which are revealed for the first time in centuries.

It's commonly said that a journey begins with a single step. But what motivates that step?an itinerarya destinationa conscious plana sense of purposethe seed of an ideaopening one's heart to brand new possibilitiesAnd so collected herein are 52 wishes for wayfarers before they take that first step, one for every bone of the feet. Some might be called blessings, others prayers and positive affirmations for those who would travel by foot. There is even a trio of ancient foot talismans from the Far East.

Strange times call for strange measures.Theologians have historically tried to communicate what cannot be said. As Paul Tillich argued, "The words which are used most in religion are also those whose genuine meaning is also completely lost." Only through lingustic resurrection-finding new, if controversial, ways to talk about and to God-can we address our strange circumstances to the divine. Just as particle physicists use highly unusual scientific language ("quark," "charm," even "strangeness" itself), our prayers may need to be lifted in bizarre voices. For "in the beginning was the neologism" (and the fact that the phrase is a Googlewhack merely proves its deeper truth beyond human ken).Note that the strange prayers in this book are not so strange as to be labeled "glossolalia."Before combining strange prayers with strange fasting, strange thanksgiving, or strange candles, consult with your spiritual advisor.

"A great deal of fun " -Dr. Larry Hass, philosopher "Purring with happiness " -Abigail McBride, magician "A charming and subversively 'innocent' book that delightfully combines pro-feline sentiments and self-awareness. For those who have become jaded by decades of 'visualization techniques', shifting the perspective to 'cat consciousness' is both ingenious and refreshing." -Ken Clinger, recording artist "I am curled up in the feline position thoroughly enjoying how to become my own inner kitty. Cats are such enigmas, and this is just a truly delightful and thoughtful exploration of their psychology. I read it all at once; couldn't put it down " -Alice Warwick, attorney "I don't particularly like cats, but after reading this book, I want to be one for myself. Now that's a magical accomplishment " -Gordon Meyer, author of Smart Home Hacks "Whether you're allergic to dander, or residential regulations prohibit pets, or your lifestyle doesn't allow for responsible care of vulnerable creatures, the simplest answer is to be your own cat. I wondered if the claim of 'instant results' could possibly be true, but you become your own cat during the very first exercise you perform. You can do the steps in any order you wish. I skipped around, and the results weren't adversely affected. Lots of good laughs along the way." -Cassandra Farley, Univ. of Florida "It's commonly known that you can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. It's even well established that you can be your own grandpa. But it takes a Professor Oddfellow to teach you How to Be Your Own Cat--and isn't it about time?" -Jonathan Caws-Elwitt, playwright "This is paws-down best cat book ever ... because it's not cutesy. Though obviously playful in tone, the tips are actually serious, and they honestly DO work This book goes straight to the heart of what makes a cat tick, allowing anyone to genuinely become his or her own feline." -Donna Clark, artist "I have carefully read this spiritual manual and can attest that every single exercise is spiritually correct and--when performed correctly--is guaranteed to be productive of its intended result." -William Keckler, poet "I've always admired the way cats approach the world with an air of mystery. Now I know why and how they do it. This book reveals feline secrets that I've never seen discussed anywhere else. It's a delight for any animal lover." -A., chef "Well-thought and whimsically delivered -- puts you in touch with your inner feline. Along with carefully chosen, classic illustrations, this guide is reminiscent of an early 18th century manual. Each passage is a contemplation that is a door to a Zen practice. While we are reminded of our baser animal selves, we are also reminded of the Zen nature of our being. Our feline friends remind us of our true essence and stillness. A delightful book that reflects on our spiritual core in a playful, catlike way." -David Manley, puppeteer "What is the difference between you and a cat? If you have to ask, you're not a cat. And so this book-agile and quick, mysterious, surprising and sly as any cat-is not for you. It is for the cat that you are, the cat that you can be. Of course you want to be your own cat. If you were your cat, you'd know that you'd always wanted to be your cat. But each of the cat's nine lives is lived in nine dimensions and so this book is an introduction to feline physics, a mouser grimoire, a grimalkin guide, a siamese travelogue, a numinous catalogue of the non-Cartesian, a Manx how-to, a tabby joke book of recipes and kitten lore for the aspiring puss or tom, domestic ocelot, jaguar or lynx. Yes, perhaps by now it is clear why you want to be your own cat. In this book, the erudite Professor Oddfellow, already always part shimmering and inscrutable cat, explains how. The only question, now, is when?" -Gary Barwin, novelist

Whether as pictographs or basic elements of language, Tarot cards form distinct units of meaning. One card may indeed establish a word, two cards may construct a compound word or phrase, and three or more cards may constitute a sentence or sentences. While any one card is easy enough to "translate" in isolation, the challenge is to make sense of the "deep structure" that organizes the several cards of the spread. A secondary system of icons can provide vital clues as to how individual cards relate. That system is our treasury of punctuation marks.Punctuation marks help us to pinpoint the precise structure of the sentences that constitute our life story. Punctuation helps to organize and emphasize the themes at play. It assists us to comprehend the relationships that exist between nouns (the people, places, and things in our lives) and verbs (actions and occurrences). Punctuation can connect, isolate, confirm, limit, regulate, contrast, motivate and animate the flow of information-our intelligence. In other words, punctuation offers cues on how to understand the course of our experiences.A punctuation icon may be drawn randomly from the deck and placed between any two Tarot cards whose relationship is in question. Alternately, one or more punctuation icons may be placed between cards according to the reader's intuition. With the placement of punctuation, the cards may be read as whole sentences rather than fragments.This book oulines a method for placing punctuation in a Tarot spread, describes the meaning of punctuation (in both the upright and reversed cases), presents a Punctuated Tarot system blending punctuation icons with tarot archetypes, and provides six other techniques of Divination by Punctuation.