Niall Edworthy

Sling the bucket! Slay that FOMO! Save your precious money and time, your sanity, your patience and your dignity. This is the anti-manifesto for anyone who's ever been tempted or guilt-tripped into chasing 'transformational' life experiences or railroaded into dumb ideas; comfort literature for the victims of the zeitgeist who have ended up out of sorts, out of pocket, out of joy, out of endurance, out of their mind... and who's damned stupid idea was this in the first place? Houseboat living? Silent retreats? A house rabbit? Whitewater rafting? Climbing Everest? I mean, please. This book is your permission slip to be a party-pooping curmudgeon and say to the chirpy, chipper cheerleaders of the life better lived, 'No, no, move along, I'm quite alright, thank you.' With playful scorn, The 'F**kit! List calls out the reality behind the fluff, the hype and the hard sell, exposing the grim small print beneath the banner headlines that promise deep contentment, spiritual fulfilment and fun! fun! fun! Whether it's keeping bees or hens, buying a vintage car, staying in an ice hotel, or going off-grid-this book says what you've always felt deep down: do me a favour, will you? Read this hilarious volume of 41 imperative DON'Ts! and join the Fun Police out there on the beat, bringing to justice the bucket-list buccaneers, the fun-flogging influencers and the lifestyle lemmings.

Badger’s Rugby Compendium is a humorous glossary of over 500 terms, slang and jargon, all the lingo from the inner world of rugby explained with witty definitions and illustrations to amuse the dedicated fan and enlighten the rugby-curious. If you had never seen a rugby match, say you were born and bred on Pluto but you were fluent in English, on tuning into a match you might ask yourselves three questions: i) Why are all these people rolling around in the mud? ii) Why are they so cross with each other? iii) Why is the commentator talking in Klingon? Many people let rugby pass them by as they do cricket and other sports built upon a complex set of rules. To understand the rules, to take some pleasure from a sport, as anything else in life, you must understand the language by which it is described. To go one level deeper and take joy from the sport and immerse yourself in its culture, traditions and nuances, you must have a working knowledge of its jargon and slang. What do they say? The limit of my world is the limit of my words. ‘He’s a hoisted a bomb there, buried him with a snotter, gone in for the jackal, hands all over the egg, given him a facial, and kicked off the handbags. He’s getting pinged here and he’s got himself ten minutes riding the pine or I’m Bill Beaumont.’ There’s only one reaction a rugby stranger might have to that: ‘You what?’ I mean, no wonder the rugby-curious viewer keeps flicking the remote. The aim of this little glossary of rugby union terminology, banter and vernacular is to offer some light entertainment for the devoted fan, but also a little enlightenment for the uninitiated and bemused.

It is 1937 and Otto Eckhart, an aimless young historian, is summoned to the seat of power in Berlin. Tasked with an ominous and impossible assignment - to locate the Holy Grail and bring it back for the glory of Nazi Germany - the feckless dreamer must come of age, find his courage and use all his ingenuity to defeat his private demons and the dark power of the Third Reich. And will it all end happily with the bold and beautiful woman who becomes embroiled in his quest?

An A to Z humorous dictionary loaded with over 1,000 curious words and funny phrases, dressing room banter, tunnel talk, pundit-speak, gantry gaffes, classic cliches and terrace ridicule from the colourful language of British football. The sharp and lively definitions given to everyday football-speak makes this celebration of the national game's rich culture, a laugh-out-loud entertainment and essential handbook for all fans in Britain and around the world. Whether rolling off the terraces, yelled on the training ground, mangled in the post-match interview or muttered in the commentary box, the language of British football keeps on giving, a rich and peculiar dialect all of its own, peppered with spicy slang, clunking with commonplace classics and sneering with contempt and ridicule. Badger's Football Slang and Banter gives 110 percent, leaves nothing on the pitch, stamping its authority with aplomb - and that little bit of quality - to create an absolute banger of a read for all football fans in Britain and the millions following Britain's national game from abroad.Sample EntriesBrown Trouser Time - Penalty ShootoutCultured Left Foot - A foot that studied Moral Philosophy and Fine Art at UniLung-Bursting Run - Any sprint up field longer than fifty yards, often fruitless, leading to the explosion of respiratory organsMassive Club - The status of every club a new player has just joined, usually one that won the FA Cup in 1924 but nothing sinceOrc - Northern fan, according to a southern onePrawn Sandwich Brigade - A military-style unit of bourgeois fans who eschew traditional pies for seafood products in focacciaTeacups - The go-to projectile of the angry manager at half-time

A beautifully illustrated, humorous glossary of curious golfing terms and hilarious slang as used by millions of professionals and amateurs around the world, an essential handbook for all players and followers of sport's most frustrating game, packed with wicked, witty, waspish and weird wordage from the world's fairways and clubhouses. The older the sport, the richer the language and culture. Few sports can claim a heritage as ancient as golf, and few are richer in error-strewn comedy, spiteful asides and cruel jibes. My friend in the bunker, my enemy on the green... Adolf Hitler, Airmail, Amen Corner, Army Golf ... Bandit, Brassie, Brazilian, Breakfast Ball ... Ferret, Flub, Flusher, Fried Egg ... Rabbit, Rickshaw, Ryanair, Rushdie ... Waggle, Whiff, Wise (Dennis), Wormburner... this exquisitely designed book contains over 400 curious and laugh-out-loud words and phrases from both sides of the Atlantic and beyond.From St. Andrews to Augusta, Royal St. George's to The Royal Melbourne, Sunningdale to Sun City, Pebble Beach to Pine Valley... golfers share the same funny language, united in humour and exasperation by the same challenges, hazards, obstacles and duff errors.This densely packed volume of hilarious terms is essential reading for every golf enthusiast and clubhouse bore ever to have found themselves on a Claggy Lie on a Goat Track, pulled out the Hand Wedge deep in the Cabbage or smashed a Ferret out of the Kitty Litter, the perfect gift from golf widows and widowers around the globe.Sample Entries:Captain Kirk - Wild shot, going where no shot has gone beforeCuban - Ball just short of the hole that needed another revolution to get in. See Corbyn, JeremyLaurel & Hardy - Fat shot followed by a thin one, or vice-versaMouth Wedge - A gobby golfer who talks too much and bugs hell out of his playing partnersSalman Rushdie - A difficult readSon-in-law - Of a shot that you weren't really hoping for, but it will just about do.

An absolute beauty of a book: a delightfully illustrated A-to-Z collection of over 400 eccentric and hilarious words and phrases used by international players, village and club cricketers, the perfect handbook for the cricket fan, the wordsmith and the humourist.Beer snake, Barnes Wallace, Bunsen and Buzzers ... Featherbed, Ferret, Flamingo, Footler ... Pickpocket, Pie Chucker, Pongo and Pudding ... Teapot, Toe-smasher, Tonto and Twiddler ... The language of cricket is as rich as its history.The lexicon of cricket jargon has ballooned in recent years, thanks to round-the-clock global television coverage, the expansion of competitions, new in-match technological devices and live online reporting of Tests, One-Day Internationals and T20s.This charming glossary of terms brings together in one handy volume all the modern buzzwords and time-seasoned banter of the players, fans and commentators, and delivers it to the cricket lover's armchair, loo and bedside table.From Lord's to Lahore, Delhi to Durham, Melbourne to Manchester, Cape Town to the Caribbean, cricket is a universal language. Packed with curious words and expressions, new and old, laugh-out-loud funny and downright ill-mannered, this compilation will delight cricket fans the world over.Sample entries:Banter - Euph. Word casting a light veil over the bitter exchange of insults taking place between the batsman and assorted fielders. See also Niggle, Exchange of Pleasantries, VerbalsCamel - Graceless and unathletic fielder, often an ageing fast bowler, dispatched to a distant backwater of the outfield in which he is least likely to make a fool of himself. See also Cart HorseNighthawk - A Nightwatchman on crack cocaine who comes to the wicket looking to slog 30 runs from 12 balls rather than block 30 for one. Term said to be coined by England quick Stuart Broad in the Bazball era of Brendon McCullum.

How do migrating birds know where to go? Are birds really descended from dinosaurs? How do birds have sex? This book sets about answering various questions that is there to ask about birds. It covers over 10,000 species in the world, including over 500 in Britain, some rare and endangered, some bizarre and beautiful, others common and familiar.

Is the glass half empty or half full?Brilliantly compiled and beautifully written, this is a rich anthology of evidence from both sides of any argument.

The mere sense of living is joy enough. Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, American poet Humanity's story is one long testimony to the truth that life is as rewarding and beautiful as you make it. As pioneers, inventors, and dreamers have always known, you can do anything if only you persevere. Ever since we hauled ourselves out of the swamp, our history has been one of extraordinary cultural and technological progress, of mind-boggling discoveries and remarkable achievements, often against the odds. It's no coincidence that you see no statues of pessimists in city squares. Still, cynical and doubting voices are heard all too loudly and frequently in public discourse. A potent antidote to their gloom and doom, The Optimist's Handbook is a joyful explosion of wit and wisdom from our past and present that celebrates the art of greeting life with the excitement it deserves. This handbook will inspire, enchant, and entertain you as you go forward into all your wonderful tomorrows. Even if, after reading it, you are not moved to feats of glory for the greater good, the fact is that optimists are healthier, happier, and richer than their gloomy counterparts. Hear that, killjoys? The world is a grindstone and life is your nose. Fred Allen, 1894-1956, American humorist Why beat around the bush? The truth is that life is a never-ending cycle of toil and pain with nothing but death to reward all our suffering. Furthermore, what solace is there in blind optimism or fanciful daydreaming when it is perfectly clear that the world is heading toward a complete meltdown whether we live in it or not? Resigning yourself to life's grim treadmill, and thereby avoiding more disappointments, is the best way to trudge forward. The Pessimist's Handbook is an indispensable companion on your journey through this vale of tears. A clear-sighted, realistic look at life's obstacles, this guidebook is stocked with the pearls of wisdom you need to counter the irritating voices of those who trumpet futile positivity and inane confidence in a brighter future. Feel reassured that scores of people share your sense of impending doom...and have done so for centuries. After all, misery loves company, but not when it's a horde of perky utopians.

The Curious Gardener's Almanac contains over 1000 entries of remarkable information about flowers, vegetables, fruits, trees, herbs, insects, birds, water, soil, tools, composts, climate, recipes, gardens and gardeners, myths, superstitions, biodynamics..In short it is a collection as profuse and variegated as gardening itself.