Pamela Ann

Like the sands of time, it shifts, it's mercurial ... unpredictable.I grew up stern, detached, like a person looking through glass, observing. But everything had come to the forefront, and nothing could ever prepare me for what the next chapter entailed.I could no longer be the observer but would become the one being observed.He ceaselessly watched, clutching me like a disease. His poison gradually possessed me until I was fully submerged under his twisted spell.The dark side of love-his perverse love.I was out for blood. Anyone would do.

'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall. - William ShakespeareTemptation is a wild dance, a tug of war of will, of faith, testing your limits, stretching your boundaries until you succumb to its wicked spell. Once it's touched you, tainted you, there's no turning back. It stays with you, feeding your doubts, nurturing your insecurity. Love ... it can only go so far until it can no longer heal you. When your soul seeks for something darker, an element harder to define, and you find yourself lost, forever searching for that missing piece that promises to complete you, there's no turning back.Like a ticking time bomb, I knew sooner or later, everything would begin to crumble. I should've known better.

He was my childhood friend. My lover. My partner. I loved and worshipped him with entirety, with every pulse. With every bated breath in my body, I was his and he was mine. We burned brighter than the sun, and together, we clashed, fell, and soared. Together, we made the perfect harmony. Then everything changed the moment he decided to chase his dream. While he became riveted in Hollywood's glittery fa ade, I found myself alone, whereas he lived his life to the fullest. I became the shadow of his past, dimming in the sunlight that we once orbited and gravitated. Gradually, as time passed, the inevitable happened. Then darkness completely filled my life, cloaking me and embracing me when I became fragile and utterly broken, teaching me the hardest lesson of all. It's better to have loved with my all and having had the chance to know what it's like to find something so beautiful than endure a lifetime of never knowing it at all. It made me fathom that such beauty shouldn't be held on to. You shouldn't choke it, stifling it until life drained away. Instead, you had to let go, set it free, and let it ride the waves so other people could experience that one of a kind rapturous, profound mystery as I once had. Love was blinding and beautiful, but it also was a casualty. And after the tumultuous breakdown I had, I'm earnestly devoted in avoiding it at all cost.

I always thought I was going to end up marrying Lucy, the woman I loved with my entire existence. Unfortunately, the woman staring back at me, readying to say our vows, wasn't the blue-eyed woman I loved. She was the woman who was chasing after my best friend, but we somehow ended up on the damn altar in a church in Madrid. Lucy gave up on me, you see. A mixture of love and hate shone in her eyes when she pleaded for me to cancel this farcical union. All I needed was for her to say it--for her to tell me that she loved me. But what did she do? She walked away...forthe second time.That truly gutted me. I knew then that she would never choose me, nor would she fight forme--or for the love we had once so profoundly shared. Seeing her again in Rome months later twisted me inside out. Because time didn't make myfeelings ebb away. In fact, they were rotting in me, slowly poisoning everything I'd once cherished, loved and believed. Could I risk myself again? Or should I just let bygones be bygones and walk away just as shehad done?