R J Redmond

Every family has secrets, but I never dreamed my position within ours was the subject of the biggest secret of all. As with any truth untold, there were clues along the way but none obvious. Honesty was a primary value in our home, so I took those I trusted at their word. When I did have questions, the adults artfully deflected or tactfully redirected. Then, one rainy day in the fall of 1978, the truth came out. It was unexpected, unbelievable, and I was devastated. The details were sparse at best, and the revelation challenged my values and my self-esteem at their core. At the age of 30, this new information triggered a review of my life as I searched for answers and worked to piece together the intricate puzzle of myself. The journey was emotional but in many ways enlightening. When I set out, I had no idea what I would uncover, or If I would find any answers at all. Nonetheless, I had to try. I've always been a betting man, and this was a risk worth taking. This is not a reference about how to find lost relatives or how to cope with adoption. Instead it is a memoir of my personal quest for answers and understanding following the revelation that caused me to question every aspect of myself.