Terri Apter

‘Grandparenting is a long-awaited, well-informed, personal and well-researched insight into what it means to be a grandparent... A wonderful book’ JULIA SAMUEL, author of Every Family Has a Story The birth of a grandchild is a cause for celebration. But when a child becomes a parent themselves, existing family structures are radically altered. Old tensions between parents and their adult children may come into sharp relief, while new relationships with in-laws must be navigated carefully. And at the heart of two families is a small person, whose life will benefit hugely from the love of their grandparents. In this warm, wise guide to being a modern grandparent, leading psychologist Terri Apter builds on cutting edge research as well as her own experience as a grandparent. Drawing on case studies from across the world, Apter examines the crucial and changing role that grandparents play in our society, from those grandparents who find themselves caring for a grandchild, to how to support a grandchild through their parents’ divorce. This innovative book is for grandparents and for their adult children as they reimagine their relationships with each other, and become the best parents – and grandparents – that they can be.

Once children hit adolescence, it seems as if overnight “I love you” becomes “leave me alone,” and any question from a parent can be dismissed with one word: “fine.” But while they may not show it, teenagers rely on their parents’ curiosity, delight and connection to guide them through this period of exuberant growth as they navigate complex changes to their bodies, their thought processes, their social world and their self-image. In The Teen Interpreter, psychologist Terri Apter looks into teens’ minds—minds that are experiencing powerful new emotions and awareness of the world around them—to show how parents can revitalise their relationship with their children. She illuminates the rapid neurological developments of a teen’s brain, along with their new, complex emotions and offers strategies for disciplining unsafe actions constructively and empathetically. Apter includes up-to-the moment case studies that shed light on the anxieties and vulnerabilities that today’s teens face, and she thoughtfully explores the positives and pitfalls of social media. With perceptive conversation exercises that synthesise research from more than thirty years in the field, Apter illustrates how teens signal their changing needs and identities—and how parents can interpret these signals and see the world through their teens’ eyes. The Teen Interpreter is a generous roadmap for enjoying the most challenging, and rewarding, parenting years.

Once children hit adolescence, it seems as if overnight “I love you” becomes “leave me alone” and any question from a parent can be dismissed with one word: “fine.” But while they may not show it, teenagers benefit from their parents’ curiosity, delight and connection. In The Teen Interpreter, psychologist Terri Apter looks inside adolescents’ minds—minds that are experiencing powerful new emotions and awareness of the world around them—to show how parents can revitalise their relationship. She illuminates the rapid neurological developments of a teenagers’ brain, explains the power of teenage friendships, and explores the positives and pitfalls of social media. With perceptive conversation exercises that synthesise research from more than thirty years in the field, Apter illustrates how teenagers signal their changing needs and identities—and how parents can interpret these signals to see the world through their teenager’s eyes. The Teen Interpreter is a generous roadmap for enjoying the most challenging, and rewarding, parenting years.

Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant’s dependence, we continue to monitor others’ judgments of us—and develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a “judgment meter”, which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, registering a positive or negative opinion. Apter reveals how interactions between parents and children, within couples, and among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing on three decades of research, Apter gives us tools to learn about our personal needs, goals and values; to manage our biases; to tolerate others’ views; and to make sense of our most powerful, and often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.

An essential work for listeners seeking compassionate, wise guidance about the powerful relationship between mothers and their sons and daughters. Mother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle. Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond. She showcases the five different types of difficult mother--the angry mother, the controlling mother, the narcissistic mother, the envious mother, and the emotionally neglectful mother--and explains the patterns of behavior seen in each type. Apter also explores the dilemma at the heart of a difficult relationship: why a mother has such a powerful impact on us and why we continue to care about her responses long after we have outgrown our dependence. She then shows how we can conduct an "emotional audit" on ourselves to overcome the power of the complex feelings a difficult mother inflicts. In the end, this audiobook celebrates the great resilience of sons and daughters of difficult mothers as well as acknowledging their special challenges.

Mother love is often seen as sacred, but for many children the relationship is a painful struggle. Using the newest research on human attachment and brain development, Terri Apter, an internationally acclaimed psychologist and writer, unlocks the mysteries of this complicated bond. She showcases the five different types of difficult mother—the angry mother, the controlling mother, the narcissistic mother, the envious mother, and the emotionally neglectful mother—and explains the patterns of behavior seen in each type. Apter also explores the dilemma at the heart of a difficult relationship: why a mother has such a powerful impact on us and why we continue to care about her responses long after we have outgrown our dependence. She then shows how we can conduct an “emotional audit” on ourselves to overcome the power of the complex feelings a difficult mother inflicts. In the end this book celebrates the great resilience of sons and daughters of difficult mothers as well as acknowledging their special challenges.

When we marry, we believe the bond is between only two individuals. Few of us realize the power that in-laws exert over our lives. What Do You Want from Me? takes a fresh look at how the in-laws we acquire when we marry affect our quality of life—our marriage, family, personal comfort, and long-term well-being—for better or worse. Here is an essential book for husbands and wives, parents and children, seeking to strengthen the bonds of family.

This “substantial contribution to the literature on sibling relationships” (Library Journal) explores the intricacy, friction, and love in bonds between sisters. Relationships between women are often freighted with a rocky mix of emotions—devotion and disregard, affection and loathing, admiration and envy—leading to anguish and confusion on the playground, in the home, and in the boardroom. Negotiating her layered feelings toward a sister shapes a woman’s psychology as forcefully as do her relationships with her parents. Drawing on compelling interviews and new research, Terri Apter considers the many aspects of the sister relationship from birth through adulthood. The need to fight to differentiate oneself from a sister, as well the protectiveness one feels for that same person, is explained by reference to extensive psychological and biological evidence.

Raising confident, motivated, and caring children is a parent's greatest challenge. Drawing on her own extensive research on children and parents, Terri Apter has created a guide based on "emotional coaching"—learning to respond appropriately to a child's feelings—that helps parents raise children to solve problems, to be socially active and understand others, and to manage emotions, all of which are crucial to developing confidence and functioning successfully in society. Hugely insightful, reassuring, and accessible, The Confident Child is a truly necessary parenting guide. Winner of The Delta Kappa Gamma Society International Educator's Award.

What do young people at the threshold of adulthood really need and want? Why do so many responsible and motivated teenagers become young adults who are still dependent, financially and emotionally, on their parents? Why are many young people today so quick to leave childhood behind, but so slow to become adults? In this wise and compassionate book, Terri Apter debunks outdated and misguided ideas about maturity: Acting in the name of love, many parents withdraw emotional or practical support, thinking it best for a son or daughter to solve his or her own problems—even to suffer alone the consequences of mistakes. Apter shows us that young adults actually need a parent's guidance and support, while also requiring respect and independence. Based on carefully observed case studies and current research, this book describes how we can support young people through a crucial stage in their development.

Best Friends provides the missing link to understanding and recognizing the impact of some of the most important relationships in girls' and women's lives. Every woman remembers the sting of betrayal of a girlfriend, and every parent of a daughter has seen her come home from school in tears because a girl she thought was her best friend suddenly and inexplicably became her enemy. While boys hash out differences with fists and kicks, girls' societies are marked by secrets and whispers and shifting affection. The lessons learned as an adolescent girl are often carried into adulthood, making women fear confrontation--especially with other women. But the intensity of the struggles reflects the support and healing to be found within these friendships. Girls find themselves in the mirror of other girls, hence the power each has to influence the other. Ruthellen Josselson and Terri Apter's many years of working with hundreds of girls and women have given them insight into the emotionally important relationships that are integral to a girl's self-image. Best Friends explores the bonds of friendship between girls and between women and the sorrows and joys they experience together, from early adolescence and throughout their lives. "[Apter and Josselson] argue in this breakthrough study, [that] the enormous formative impact of women's friendships outweighs most other influences--even that of parents. . . . Like its subjects, Best Friends is an illuminating experience."--Book of the Month Club"Both the joy and pain of friendship between adolescent girls and women are scrutinized in this interesting and accessible analysis."--Publishers Weekly"As Apter and Josselson trigger strong memories, they shed much-needed light on the profound influence young women have on each other." --Booklist "This book should become the constant companion of girls and women as they grow and change." --Judith Michael, author of A Certain Smile"Best Friends is a rich and engaging book that women from their teen years into adulthood will find revealing and helpful. The authors have found a deep truth in their descriptions of the lifelong emotional importance of friendship for girls and women." --Nancy J. Chodorow, psychoanalyst and author of Femininities, Masculinities, Sexualities"Best Friends is breathtaking in its promise of understanding what is compelling about female friendships." --Annie G. Rogers, associate professor, Harvard Graduate School of Education"No woman will be able to read this book without reliving her own experience, past and present." --Lillian Rubin, author of Just Friends and Erotic Wars

In this groundbreaking and insightful study Terri Apter traces womens midlife course, drawing on detailed interviews with women in their forties and fifties. Apter finds that women experience a renewed sense of themselves and see the second half of life as an opportunity for psychological growth and fulfillment instead of a time of despair over lost youth and beauty. She divides midlife women into four categories--traditional, innovative, expansive, protesting--and shows the cause for the midlife crisis and the path toward resolution for each type.

This book questions women's slow progress towards equality. Neither male conspiracies nor women's psychology is at fault, but social structures which fail to accommodate people who both need to earn a living and who are obliged to care for their families underlie persistent inequalities. Many women do succeed in combining motherhood with career success, but they do so by escaping set patterns both at work and in the home. This book charts the odds against them and their methods of triumph.