Tom Holt

Welcome to Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson!*The team of commercial sorcerers at Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson can help with any metaphysical engineering project, large or small. (Though by definition, they all tend to be pretty large.)They can also create massive great puddles of chaos that might one day swallow up the entire universe.Take, for example, the decision to recruit a certain bearded fellow whose previous work experience mainly involves reindeer and jingle bells. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but is he really the best person to save the world from Tiamat the Destroyer?Find out today in Tom Holt's brilliantly funny new novel set in the world of The Portable Door (now a delightful movie starring Patrick Gibson, Sophie Wilde, and Christoph Waltz).*By reading beyond this point you agree to comply with certain terms and conditions that are mostly reasonablebut confidential. Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson management reserves the right to terminate any employees or clients, human or otherwise.

Tom Holt's brilliantly funny new novel set in the world of The Portable Door (now a delightful movie starring Patrick Gibson, Sophie Wilde, and Christoph Waltz). The team of commercial sorcerers at Dawson, Ahriman & Dawson can help with any metaphysical engineering project, large or small (though by definition they all tend to be pretty large). They can also create massive great puddles of chaos that might one day swallow up the entire universe. Take, for example, the decision to recruit a certain bearded fellow whose previous work experience mainly involves reindeer and jingle bells. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but is he really the best person to save the world from Tiamat the Destroyer, who has literally gone ballistic? For more from Tom Holt, check out: An Orc on the Wild Side The Management Style of the Supreme Beings The Good, The Bad, and the Smug The Outsorcerer's Apprentice When It's a Jar Doughnut Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages Blonde Bombshell

'Uniquely twisted . . . cracking gags' - Guardian'Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' - SFX'Clever, funny, tirelessly inventive' - Christopher MooreWINTER IS COMING, SO WHY NOT GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?Being the Dark Lord and Prince of Evil is not as much fun as it sounds, particularly if you are a basically decent person. King Mordak is just such a person. Technically he's more goblin than person, but the point is that he is really keen to be a lot less despicable than his predecessors. Not that the other goblins appreciate Mordak's attempts to redefine the role. Why should they when his new healthcare program seems designed to actually extend life expectancy, and his efforts to end a perfectly reasonable war with the dwarves appear to have become an obsession? With confidence in his leadership crumbling, what Mordak desperately needs is a distraction. Perhaps some of these humans moving to the Realm in search of great homes at an affordable price will be able to help? An Orc on the Wild Side is the latest comic masterpiece from one of the funniest writers in fantasy.Books by Tom Holt: J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Other recent novelsBlonde BombshellLife, Liberty and the Pursuit of SausagesThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side

An Orc on the Wild Side is the latest comic masterpiece from one of the funniest writers in fantasy. Winter is coming, so why not get away from it all? Being the Dark Lord and Prince of Evil is not as much fun as it sounds, particularly if you are a basically decent person. King Mordak is just such a person. Technically he's more goblin than person, but the point is that he is really keen to be a lot less despicable than his predecessors. Not that the other goblins appreciate Mordak's attempts to redefine the role. Why should they when his new healthcare program seems designed to actually extend life expectancy, and his efforts to end a perfectly reasonable war with the dwarves appear to have become an obsession? With confidence in his leadership crumbling, what Mordak desperately needs is a distraction. Perhaps some of these humans moving to the Realm in search of great homes at an affordable price will be able to help? For more from Tom Holt, check out: The Management Style of the Supreme BeingsThe Good, The Bad, and the SmugThe Outsorcerer's ApprenticeWhen It's a JarDoughnutLife, Liberty, and the Pursuit of SausagesBlonde Bombshell

What would happen if good and evil were replaced with a more dynamic system based on sound economic principles? Find out in Tom Holt's wickedly funny new comic novel!

When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them any more, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them, it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place. Unfortunately, the sudden disappearance of right and wrong, while welcomed by some, raises certain concerns amongst those still attached to the previous team's management style. In particular, there's one of the old gods who didn't move out with the others. A reclusive chap, he lives somewhere up north, and only a handful even believe in him. But he's watching. And he really does need to know if you've been naughty or nice.

A witty fantasy novel of good, evil and everything inbetween, from one of Britain's best-loved comic writers - perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams

A new novel from a master of comic fantasy, Tom Holt. Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR. Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet. Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it.

A story of overlords, underlings and inhuman resources, The Outsorcerer's Apprentice isthe hilarious new novel from comic fantasist Tom Holt.

An absurdly witty novel of alternate universes and very unlikely heroes from one of Britain's best-loved comic writers - perfect for fans of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett

Maurice has just killed a dragon with a bread knife. And had his destiny foretold. . . and had his true love spirited away. That's precisely the sort of stuff that'd bring out the latent heroism in anyone. Unfortunately, Maurice is pretty sure he hasn't got any latent heroism. Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking). He can't get out, of course, but neither can he remember his name, or what gravity is, or what those things on the ends of his legs are called. . . and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. Forget everything. Only one thing might help him. The answer to the most baffling question of all. . . When is a door not a door?

From one of the best-loved comic writers in fantasy fiction comes another absurdly witty science fiction title - perfect for fans of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett

The doughnut is a thing of beauty. A circle of fried doughy perfection. A source of comfort in trying times, perhaps. For Theo Bernstein, however, it is far, far more. Things have been going pretty badly for Theo Bernstein. An unfortunate accident at work has lost him his job (and his work involved a Very Very Large Hadron Collider, so he's unlikely to get it back). His wife has left him. And he doesn't have any money. Before Theo has time to fully appreciate the pointlessness of his own miserable existence, news arrives that his good friend Professor Pieter van Goyen, renowned physicist and Nobel laureate, has died. By leaving the apparently worthless contents of his safety deposit to Theo, however, the professor has set him on a quest of epic proportions. A journey that will rewrite the laws of physics. A battle to save humanity itself. This is the tale of a man who had nothing and gave it all up to find his destiny -- and a doughnut.

A wonderfully quirky and comedic outing from the hugely talented Tom Holt

Polly is a real estate solicitor. She is also losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress -- the dry cleaner's. And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on -- and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out. From one of the funniest voices in comic fiction today comes a hilarious tale of pigs and parallel worlds.

'As you'd expect from Holt, Blonde Bombshell is rife with puns, complicated setups for ridiculous gags, and a riveting story that is completely implausible.' - Booklist'BLONDE BOMBSHELL is a clever, funny, tirelessly inventive, apocalyptic leg-hump of a book. Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams' - Christopher MooreA heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today . . .The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt.Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive. It knew, in that moment, that its own doom was near; because it was giving itself orders, and it wasn't putting in any 'the's. That was what you did, apparently, when the moment came. You could also turn on a flashing red beacon and a siren, but mercifully these were optional.Oh #/$+! thought the bomb, and surged on towards Dirt like an avenging angel.Perfect for fans of Douglas Adams, BLONDE BOMBSHELL is the science fiction debut from Tom Holt - one of the best-loved comic writers in fantasy fiction.Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling SidewaysLittle PeopleSong for NeroMeadowlandBarkingBlonde BombshellThe Management Style of the Supreme BeingsAn Orc on the Wild Side

The year is 2017. Lucy Pavlov is the CEO of PavSoft Industries, home of a revolutionary operating system that every computer in the world runs on. Her personal wealth is immeasurable, her intelligence is unfathomable, and she's been voted World's Most Beautiful Woman for three years running. To put it simply -- she has it all. But not everything is quite right in Lucy's life. For starters, she has no memories prior to 2015. She also keeps having run-ins with a unicorn. And to make matters even worse, a bomb is hurtling through interstellar space, headed straight for Lucy -- and the planet known as Earth.