Matt Shaw

There is an argument that men can't write romance, nor can they write good female characters. I am here to prove that argument correct, with my tongue firmly pressed into my cheek. So, ladies, prepare thyself. Take my hand and come with me on a romantic adventure guaranteed to get your gusset sticky. This is a humorous book, not intended to be taken as a serious romance. It's intended for people with a good sense of humour who wish to see just how "bad" things can get when a man writes through the eyes of a woman.

When a dolphin is "rescued" and taken to a sanctuary, the trainers realise they've bitten off a lot more than they can chew when they see the creature's dark side; a side of dolphins not many people know about, or refuse to believe. Once again, it's not safe to go in the water as Matt Shaw reminds the world that dolphins are not the friendly animals most believe them to be.

A young woman's body changes overnight when it feels she is no longer able to satisfy its cravings. She wakes to find nothing but smooth skin between her legs. What was once there, now sticking on the wall - 50 spindly legs on either side of its long, slit-like body. One beady eye sitting at the top of the gaping slit, watching her. Its moist lips glistening in the morning sunshine. This is "The Hungry Clit-erpillar" and - it's hungry. Shocking. Offensive. Disgusting. Bizarre.The Black Cover Series is back with a bang.

A drabble is a story of 100 words exactly. The word-count does not include the story's title. This collection contains 100 drabbles. Some stories are funny, some stories are tragic. There are some which are stomach-churning and there are some which are borderline offensive. The collection is not suitable for readers under the age of eighteen. Nor is it suitable for those who are easily offended.

The world is over-populated. Resources are running out. In an effort to balance things out, the government has stepped in with a radical new lottery system. All names are put into a computer, with 200 names being drawn at random. Of those people 100 will get one colour (red) token, 100 will get another colour token (white). Whatever colour they received, they had to go to the government run club for the night. Of those who received the white token, they would be going home the following day. For those who received the red tokens? They would be leaving in a body bag.

"She told me he is dying but it's not true. It looks bad, I get that. But he will be okay. He doesn't need a hospital. Even if he did - I can't take him to one. It would be the end of the line for both of us; back to prison with a one-way ticket. He'll be okay. He just needs the right motivation. And she is just that. She is just what the doctor ordered. She's pretty, she's intelligent and - whether she wants it or not - she is all his. He just needs to move. Move and claim what is his. Do with her as he pleases. Yes, the perfect motivation." PARALYSED is the new extreme horror from Matt Shaw (Sick B*stards, PORN, WHORE and Some Kind of Cu*t). Continuing with his Black Cover series, pushing boundaries of decency, Matt Shaw takes you on a journey with a serial killer and his accomplice, Dennis - a man who'll do absolutely anything for his broken master.

A group of strangers are pitted against one another in Matt Shaw's latest extreme horror. The Game is simple. Each of the contestants are asked a question: how much to complete a certain task? They then have two minutes to name a price but if they go too high and their fellow contestants are cheaper, they have just priced themselves out of the game. The trick is to go high enough to win a good amount of money but low enough to ensure you are the winner. By the end of the bidding war, the person who is the cheapest contestant has to then go through, one by one, completing the tasks. No backing out allowed now... But who is running this game? And more to the point - why?

Paul McCarron is a down-on-his-luck gambling man with a debt he cannot see past. Melissa Kazas is a stripper, working the poles and the clients in an effort to provide her daughter with a better life. Steve Grace is a coke-addicted businessman who has recently found himself "unemployed". Chris Minen is a homeless man with no where to go and nothing to lose. They do not know one another but - for one night only - their fates are intertwined as they're invited to take part in The Run. The rules are simple: Armed with nothing but a flashlight each, they need to get from Point A through to Point B before the morning and, if they succeed, they win a life-changing amount of money but things aren't what they appear to be. And, when the sun is gone and the moon is full, the howls will echo through their very souls.

Thomas lives a simple life, alone and comfortable in his little home. He only really goes out to teach his classes and, of course, abduct people from the streets in order to feast upon their flesh. There is something about human meat which makes it taste so much better than the flesh of the animals. An added bonus for Thomas is, he feels he is doing his part for the world too by reducing his carbon footprint by consuming his fellow human. Yes, Thomas lives a simple life... That is, until he starts to develop feelings for a colleague at work...

We all have one of those friends who HATES the word "MOIST". Well, this is the perfect book for them. Twenty-six chapters and 150 pages of nothing but the word "MOIST", formatted to look like the insides of a real book. This is one story your friend will never be able to finish. The perfect novelty gift to make your friend's skin crawl. And, who knows, maybe you can cure them of their hatred for the word?

"Come Play with Us" - Book 1 of 3 Contains the stories: How Much To...? and How Much 2 Warning: Extreme contents. How Much To...? A group of strangers are pitted against one another in Matt Shaw's latest extreme horror. The Game is simple. Each of the contestants are asked a question: how much to complete a certain task? They then have two minutes to name a price but if they go too high and their fellow contestants are cheaper, they have just priced themselves out of the game. The trick is to go high enough to win a good amount of money but low enough to ensure you are the winner. By the end of the bidding war, the person who is the cheapest contestant has to then go through, one by one, completing the tasks. No backing out allowed now... But who is running this game? And more to the point - why? How Much 2 Having taken over the running of the "games", Nate thought he had a way of beating the system which meant the audience got the blood they were looking for, the people needing the money had a chance of winning it without hurting themselves, and the heads of the show were still getting the viewing figures they longed for. Nate was wrong. Now Nate finds himself forced to play a new, darker version of "The Game" for the pleasure of those watching at home.

From the unstable mind who brought you 'im fine' - Matt Shaw is 'Wasting Stamps'. Between writing successful novels and cartooning - Matt Shaw has another hobby. A far more irritating one - at least, irritating if you're one of the victims of his hobby.... writing random, quirky and slightly bonkers letters to big corporations and well-known public images just to see if he can get a rise from them. From British Gas to Mates Condoms, Lynx Deodorants and even the Prime Minister and The Queen - no one is safe from Matt Shaw's twisted (and often relentless) questions

Harold and Mary had no idea why the house was on the market for so long, and nor did they care. When their offer was accepted, they were over the moon. A bigger house that was closer to where Harold's work had relocated him. It was in a nice area and even close to a better school for their teenage daughter. It was the perfect, fresh start for the family and a new chapter of their life. However, shortly after moving in, they come to learn who the previous owners of the house were and why they had moved... More than that, they meet the neighbour...

Letters arrive at random houses and the contents invite the recipients to go on an all-expenses paid cruise - an introductory offer to a new company - but not all is as good as it seems. There's something happening on the posh liner... The people - staff and passengers alike... They're changing... From Matt Shaw comes a claustrophobic new horror. INCLUDES THE PREQUEL: COWS INCLUDES THE SEQUEL: HELL'S REVEAL

There is a derelict house at the end of the street. For all but one day of the year, it remains boarded up with strict punishments in place for those foolish enough to trespass. On the one day it is open (Halloween), the nearby neighbours gather outside of its old doors and watch - on large screens - what happens within the crumbling walls. Inside the maze-like building, a lone survivor - trapped within for entertainment purposes - goes from room to room in a desperate bid to escape, unaware that potential death looms in each and every nook and cranny. Outside, the viewers cheer and clap as they stuff their faces with cotton candy and hotdogs. They laugh and reminisce about years gone by, and other people who'd tried to find the exit. As the "survivor" fights for his life, they place their bets. Welcome to the funhouse

When the lil' Bastard was born, he killed his own mother through design. Having listened to her moaning for the last nine months, there was no way in hell he was going to spend the next 18 years with the bitch so, he ensured she didn't survive child-birth. As it turned out, that murderous act was one of the more "pleasant" things he did with his first moments on earth...

When Craig's uncle passes away, he didn't shed a tear. The pair hadn't spoken for a couple of years now after a family row and - with that in mind - Craig didn't bother to attend the funeral. However, soon after, he is cornered by his uncle's solicitor with some unexpected news. Despite the pair not speaking, Craig had been left his uncle's house. At first Craig believed it to be a generous gift and, perhaps, a way of saying sorry from beyond the grave but he soon realises all is not as it seems and the house is less a gift and more a curse... WARNING: Whilst there are strong psychological elements within this book, there are also extreme scenes of a sexual nature and strong violence.

For decades the Loch Ness monster has been a creature of legend. Seen by only a few but doubted by many, is there really something lurking beneath the waters of Loch Ness? According to scientists who have studied the waters for years, the chances of Nessie being anything other than a giant eel are slim to none. Even so, that doesn't stop millions of people travelling to the loch on a yearly basis in the hope of seeing the creature for themselves. Today, Reece Walker - an author in desperate need of a best-selling book after his recent ones haven't quite hit the market where they needed to be - is one such visitor. Staying next to the loch, he hopes to use the beautiful scenery - and legend itself - as inspiration for his own Nessie-based book. And, as if luck would have it, on the first day he's in town, a half-chewed-upon body washed up on the muddy banks. The culprit? A creature of unknown origin. Have the scientists missed something? Could the Loch Ness monster be more fact than fiction? From the author of Below Deck, Below Deck: Mermaids, The Big Blue, The Marina Trench and The Octopus Trilogy.